The evolution of me wearing and then deciding not to wear makeup is a saga of attempts and fails that have led me to ultimately saying “fuck it, I’m done” and just casting my makeup brushes to the side. I will say that as of right now, makeup and I have a love-hate relationship. I love the way it makes me feel like a girl and that I actually have eyelashes, but I don’t at all feel like taking the time to put it on and go through trying to make it all even and ugh I’ve just had enough sometimes. I mean let’s be real, my everyday look consists of no makeup, messy hair, sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Today was the first time in MONTHS that I actually wore jeans. I call that a victory. But alas, the first time I fell in love with makeup was many ages ago.
The first time I became obsessed with makeup was when I was 6 years old and my mom got me an eyeshadow pallet of cheap drugstore eyeshadow. I fell in love with makeup right then and there and was hooked. I would make one eyelid green and one purple or put sparkles on my eyes. I always looked like I was on meth but in a cute 6-year-old way. Then one of my friends gave me lip gloss and I put it on constantly and talked about it so much that my bus driver called me “the lip gloss princess”. One of my favorite memories as a child was going through my grandma’s makeup (while she was still alive); and making a masterpiece out of my face with all the different lipsticks and blush. She would always say I looked “beautiful”. I would love getting dressed up for performances as a kid (I was always performing as a kid) and my mom would put my makeup on and it was always so fun for me.
I didn’t start wearing makeup until I was about 14. I only really wore concealer to cover up my acne which was all over my face and refused to go away. When I turned 16 I started wearing eye makeup, once my braces came off and my face started to clear up. All of a sudden I started getting attention for the way I looked and I started noticing it. It wasn’t a lot of attention but it was definitely happening and so I just kept wearing makeup. Suddenly I went from wearing a little mascara and some blush to trying turquoise winged eyeliner and dramatic lipsticks. Makeup became a way to express myself and I loved it. Sometimes the boys I would date would tell me that I needed to wear less eyeliner or not wear purple lipstick. That would make me extremely upset so I turned to black eyeliner and tried to keep it simple. I got to a point where I was wearing makeup every day and wouldn’t leave the house without it on.
I felt like I relied on it to make me feel beautiful and when I wasn’t wearing it I felt naked and ugly. It felt like I was putting on a mask and couldn’t let anyone see what was underneath. Every time I looked in the mirror without makeup on, I was disappointed that I didn’t look a certain way. So I went to college and I continued to wear makeup every day. I would really spend a long time on it when I went to parties. There were some days were I didn’t feel like putting a lot on and would just do mascara and concealer but I almost always wore it. Then over the summer going into my sophomore year, something happened.
There was one day I didn’t wear makeup just because I didn’t have the time. I drove over to my boyfriend’s house (Pierce). When he saw me he told me I looked incredibly beautiful and I shrugged it off, because I thought that that’s what boyfriends are supposed to say. But he wouldn’t let it go and he said I didn’t need to constantly wear makeup because I was pretty without it. Other people had told me this before but I didn’t listen to them. I went to the bathroom and looked at my face. For the first time in my life I felt pretty bare faced. I went into my sophomore year wearing makeup when I dressed up to go out, but other than that I didn’t bother and I still don’t.
The way I see it, why should I try to make myself look anything other than what I naturally look like. Some people might choose to wear makeup and I sometimes will choose to wear it. Makeup highlights my features and makes me feel confident in myself. Yet now, even without it I still feel like I am beautiful and if others disagree than that’s on them. I am confident in the way I look and it’s about damn time!! If you are struggling to feel beautiful at times, know that you are not alone. Almost everyone wishes that they looked like someone else. I spent my whole life wanting a different nose and eyelashes that weren’t blonde. Now I just embrace the way I look and could care less if anyone doesn’t like it. I still get insecure from time to time but I only have one face, so I want to love it while I can!